Today after my seventh chemo treatment I was really tired…I have five more to go and I been able to regain back four pounds! I spent yesterday working outside prepping a bed for seeding a bed for some native grasses and wildflowers. But when I got home today, I fired up my old Yanmar diesel tractor and attached my harrow I recently bought. I had cut some of the annual rye grass I had planted last fall that was over three feet tall and were developing new seeds heads. I meant to use this as a cover crop to try and enrich the soil. What was interesting is the last night I woke up from a dream state about doing this very thing, using my harrow to scarf up the soil to replant with some other wild flowers to attract bees and other beneficial insects. Half was going to used for some buckwheat, again me trying to once again enrich the soil…
I can’t tell you all of the absolute delight I experience doing all this. All these ideas have been percolating around in my head over the years. I began trying to move in a no-till gardening approach where the underlying roots, fungi, and all the other organisms are minimally disturbed.
Driving the tractor is such a thrill now after getting back to some of may rootedness of growing up in the Midwest. My dad was an adult ag teacher at one point but was able to purchase eighteen acres right on the edge of town so he too could experience the farming life.
That was part of the gift. The other part is all the interconnected dots in my own life that have been able to create my own life here.
When I graduated from college I was pretty upset that I felt at a deeply personal level. I had no idea about anything. My life didn’t have any real meaning or direction.
I began searching. I came across Carl Jung and I began to try and recall my night dreams. I came across Carlos Castaneda which opened up a doorway into the world of spirit. I read about Edgar Cayce. I met a teacher/master after hitchhiking out to the West Coast.
I gained a sense of direction.
Many things changed as a result. In my mid thirties I experienced a spiritual awakening or emergence in the form of a month long psychotic episode that once I regained my senses, I realized it had opened up my inner psychic abilities. I could truly “see for miles and miles…” ( The Who, 1967 )
I ended being in the Pacific Northwest where my own family roots had settled after immigrating from Japan.
There is much about our own personal life we still haven’t yet explored. Parts of my own life have come together over my lifetime here on this planet Earth. Coming from a family where the nature was part of their Shinto religion is just one of three legs that come together. One of the other legs was being born as a Taurus, a fixed earth sign. The other leg was having my own Native American consciousness from a previous lifetime awaken inside. It’s almost impossible for me to describe this in any true rationality. I talk to the trees and share my thoughts. I am also open to many different things now. My awareness of being from a different star or planetary system was the result of being able to heal from a fairly traumatic hard injury where I was forced to reach way way up in order to bring down some energies to help me work through some of these old stuck energies in my skull. I am still having to heal some of these family issues from our ancient pasts.
Every time in my own life’s journey, there has always been friend when I really needed one. I found or stumbled onto a job that has meant I could retire and live my passion and mission for healing. I experienced hardships and struggles where I was forced to overcome and keep myself focused on the greater love for the all.
Everything has been a gift. Each breathe, each sigh, each friend.
Stay well my friend. I am feeling like there is really no end…we are here now. We will be together in our own hearts again, whether it is here or another place beyond our present comprehension. There will be misunderstandings, there will be other things too that will spread doubt where we question everything about what we thought we knew. We will rise up with our inner-connected spirit of love and divinity. We will sanctify ourselves, completely.
That becomes a part of our truly eternal life as well. Our gift and love to our own Creator.